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Readers, we are trying so hard to get thru this zarticle (Ziz article) from a mag which we have enjoyed for years: from The Cut. We sat down ready to sink our teeth into this cut of juicy, juicy storytelling Ezra Marcus has whipped up— but feel like all we’ve done so far is snap at him from across the dinner table.
We have snapped at him over doppelgängers, we have snapped at him over curios. What is happening to us? Have we been freaky-fridayed w/ a brooding, cravat-loving middle-aged man in a frock coat & pince-nez? The longer we read this article, the more estranged from ourself we become. Moreover, we are hungry. We are ready to eat our own napkin. We have drank all the water, & have nothing to do but mess around w/ this mystery meat that (TMMT) Ezra has graciously set down before us— TMMT we have been drooling in anticipation over all day long.
The trouble w/ this entrée is that it is too artificial. We have found no bones in it, no tendons; there are no suspicious pink liquids or rubbery bits of skin. Those would each be preferable! We feel like we are eating all filler. We feel we are eating a sponge— w/ some tasty gravy in the form of New Milo & Audere News ladled on top of it. Did our News on News crew spend 4 hours marinating a sponge? What has Ezra done to us? What happened to “seamless, elegant, exquisitely engineered”? What happened to the “invisible geometry” of narrative nonfiction?
What makes Ezra’s sponge so off-putting is that it appears to check each one of those lofty boxes. It is beautifully structured. Its wording is understated & sophisticated. It has the sheen of a luxe longread experience, which we find even more offensive than the overtly bad & tacky zarticles we have forced ourself to swallow.
Ezra’s sheen of beauty & sophistication has sent us spiraling. If we were mercifully unaware of the Ziz debacle— if this were our first-ever zarticle— would we notice anything amiss? What else, in other articles, have we not noticed amiss? Is the prestige The Cut enjoys in our own head founded on fairy glamour? Who, in 2025, is telling true, living stories from America? Who is not aiming to enchant us w/ fairy glamour?
Our sense of reality is draining away, as is our blood sugar. We have called an emergency staff meeting: we are ordering Wendy’s.
We will be back in 15 to scrape Ezra’s creation for any last gravy spoonfuls. If you in our studio audience want to get in on this order, crew members w/ tablets will be walking down the aisles 😋
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Next: Eight New News Nuggets